Melancholy Sunday

Today's photo is that of a tree, I was tempted to say just a tree but that's not how I feel about them. The reason for the picture is not only the beauty of the snow laden boughs but is was taken in the appreciation for the tree which was planted here as a living monument to a past life. It appears to be old and distorted but perhaps it is reflecting the life for which it was made a tribute.

Today I am feeling rather down and fed up with my own life. I am realizing that I am aging to the point that I am too old to still have the possibility of having another relationship in my life. I miss having another person to share my life with. I can live without sex but I am finding it harder and harder to live without a hug. A hug is a simple expression of affection of warmth of caring and sharing.

I went out last night with some folks from the pub on an impromptu evening of bowling. One of the women decided we ought to go and do something a little different just to break the usual routine of sitting around in the pub. There were to be about a dozen people go but as it turned out only ten actually made it and eight of us bowled. After a three games of bowling we went back to the pub and played some pool. It was just another occasion when the others are all pretty well in couples and I am left on my own. I have said before that women of my age don't seem to do anything and that includes dropping by the pub. In fact I have no idea if they ever go out and if they do where or what interests them.

I guess I am feeling down because I spent a couple of hours this afternoon sorting through some old photos and putting them in albums. My box of old photos still includes many from past relationships including quite a few with my ex-wife which include my son and step daughter so I keep them. The truth is miss her very much even ten years after our marraige ended. She quickly remarried but I was not able to do that. This had been the second marriage for both of us. I never really felt the same way when my first marriage ended after ten years. We both moved on and built new lives with no apparent look back. This time I wasn't able to get away from the feelings I still carried for her. I tried to date a few times but without success I was always comparing the relationship to what I had with her. Five years ago I quit dating altogether. Now I feel that I really need a person to share my life with but the time has passed when I would still have any appeal to someone else. I don't even know where to begin anymore.