Whine 'n' Cheese

A fifty something guy caught between earning a living in the corporate world and trying to live a personal life as a latent hippie.

Name:
Location: Toronto, Canada

Fiftysome male working in the corporate world to make a living but not a life. My interests in life are diverse from enjoying the city with it's music, theatre and range of characters to enjoying being in a canoe miles from nowhere in peace and quiet. My 14 year old son is the greatest blessing in my life even though he lives with his Mom he spends weekends with me and adds colour to my life.

Tuesday, October 31, 2006

Change of Attitude


I woke up this morning and decided before I got out of bed that have to shake myself and get out of this negativity. Yep shit happens but I can’t let these things get my down. This is my life right at the moment and it is up to me to find the positives in what is going on and make the best of it. It is my own attitude and my own perception that are making these matters negative, things just happen and life unfolds and by the way, assholes exist.

So to get to work on all of that this, it is the second day at work without a car and I walked in again this morning. I can make it in about 25 minutes and though this morning the weather wasn’t as nice as yesterday I do feel really good when I arrive. I need the exercise and fresh air, in fact this morning I said to myself, since I was the only with me at the time, even when I have a car back on the road I ought to leave the car at work and walk back and forth just because it makes me feel good. Without a car I haven’t been able to get to the gym so I need any exercise I can get.

As far as work goes I guess the bottom line is that I just can’t spend my time worrying about whether I will have a job or not. I have to be proactive and clean up the resume and start to get it out there but that is it. They may decide to keep this old guy around and use my experience to help them in their other Canadian locations. I can’t let the uncertainty make me miserable.

This whole process has caused me to look at my finances, which isn’t a pretty sight I might add. Repairing the car will have to wait until my next pay because I just don’t have the cash on hand and I refuse to borrow to get it done. I have to change the way I handle my money so that I always have enough in savings to handle smaller unplanned emergencies. I have never done that in my whole life. I have always lived up to the maximum of my earning power, in fact in most cases beyond it. Maybe at 60 it is time I actually grew up.

Last year I used my annual bonus to purchase the travel trailer. I think this year, provided I get a bonus, I will take the majority of that money and use it to build a nest egg in my savings account. The trailer has come along really well with the renovation I did this year and I have already done the major things, this year I will just keep puttering along. I want to build a roof on the deck so that we can use it rain or shine. I am also planning on changing the sleeping arrangements inside. My son is going to have a new day bed in place of the current bunk and I will rebuild the double bed table affair that I use.

I am going to add a photo of the front of the trailer so that those of you who read this and are familiar with trailers can see what I am referring to. This trailer is a smaller one at only about 22 feet long but it is fine since it is only intended for my son and I. Last year I put in a new ceiling and a new floor and painted the walls and cupboards. It has a fridge and stove and a small washroom with a mini shower but it works for use. I am adding an entertainment unit with a small TV, DVD player and CD player so that my son won’t feel like he is totally isolated. I would like to have a better source of music but I could live forever without a television. Instead I read.

Well it is time I got to work whoever you are hope life is treating you well and you have someone to love. Send me a hug I could use one today – and everyday.

Sunday, October 29, 2006

Life Goes On

I haven't had the camera out for a few weeks so that I don't even have a photo to add some visual appeal today. I am trying to do my best to stay positive throughout this process and quite honestly I do believe that life is really is a joy and worth living. I haven't seen or heard from my son for a few weeks and I do miss him because he does add so much meaning to my life. I will call tonight and try to talk with him just to let him know I love him and miss him.

Well the fellows from the American firm which is purchasing us, came up on Thursday and Friday to meet with us. They have been through our plants under another presence so our employees are unaware of what is taking place. The only people who are included in these conversations at this point are the President and four other senior managers who are also minor share holders and then the four other managers of whom I am one, who he has designated as key members of his management team. So all we can do is talk among ourselves and not with any of the others within the company. The Americans haven't really offered any information other than to say that they want the management team as much if not more than the company. In this case I am quite cynical since I have been through this before and heard the same lines but was still let go at the first opportunity once the deal was complete. They just don't want us to rock the boat during the process.

Sure maybe this time it will be different but I don't hold out much hope. Here it is Sunday afternoon and I am here in the office pulling together more information which they have requested. I really do need to get home and have something to eat do some laundry and relax before another week begins. I will try and get away in an hour or so.

Friday night after I left work and was heading home the transmission in my car gave up the ghost. I knew that it had been making a few strange noises but I just hadn't had the time to take it in for someone to look at. Today I had to call a tow truck and have the car moved from the side of the road where it had been since Friday night and brought back to the house while I try to figure what to do with it. I am expecting that I will opt for a used transmission which will run over a thousand dollar when it is installed. I really didn't need this expense or added frustration right now.

Well at least I got to bike in to the office today and though it was really windy it did feel good to get some fresh air and exercise. The wind is pretty typical for this time of year. The air is getting cooler by the day, in fact we have had frost on a few nights already. Most of the trees have lost their leaves and during the ride today the few remaining leaves were assaulting me and the wind wiped them free.

Today my friend "E" dropped by on her way home to invite me over to her place for a coffee. She needed to talk since had been at a funeral yesterday for a male cousin who had taken his own life of Thursday. I dropped over for a hour or so and she was telling me stories about his fellow. He had just turned forty and had never been married or in any type of permanent relationship. Seems he had told people years ago that if he didn't have a wife and life he wasn't going to sit around past forty. I guess he was true to his word. I think it is quite sad that he hadn't found enough in life even though he was on his own to make it worthwhile. I live alone, very alone and yet I can always find value in living.

Suicide is a very sensitive subject for me, but my friend is not aware of enough details of my past to know that. My father took his own life when I was sixteen and it was I who found him. I had been living with him alone since I was about eleven. My parent separated who I was nine but my Mother had sent me back to live with him. He was a tyrant who made my life a living hell and killing himself in a way that I would find him was probably the cruelest thing that anyone could do. I would have suffered less if he had shot me but instead he left me to live with that day for the rest of my life. I had hated him so much when he would beat me black and blue but that was nothing to compare how I felt when I had the relive the details of that day a thousand of times over and over again. Suicide is the cruelest thing that anyone can do to those around them.

I don't how I got started on that subject today; but right now I have to go and turn my head off and try to get focused back on the things I have to accomplish, then get out of here.

Saturday, October 21, 2006

I Need Peace Not This Right Now

On Tuesday morning my boss who is also the company President and owner walked into my office and closed the door. I knew at that moment that something was about to happen and the possibilities ran through my mind before he even opened his mouth. The first thought was that he was going to have me let someone else go as we have done with a half dozen other employees over the last few weeks and then it occurred to me that he was going to let me go.

He took off his jacket and sat in the chair across the desk from me. He started with pleasantries but quickly got to meat of the matter. He recounted historically the positive growth of the company over the last 25 years and the difficulties that the business has encountered over this last year. He said that he had always expected to leave the company at a high point but that he had been given an offer for the company that he couldn't refuse. Before he would carry the conversation any further he asked me to sign a confidentiality agreement that he pulled from his inside pocket handed me. The offer is from a major American firm that has about 25 plants in the United States as well as plants in Europe and four other plants here in Canada. We know them fairly well by their reputation in the industry. He said that they wanted our technical ability and our management team.

It was like a knife to the heart. I could have almost taken it better if he had just asked me to clean out my desk and leave. I have worked for five companies that have been sold our taken over in my 25 year career. In every case my position has been eliminated. Sometimes it takes weeks or up to a year but in every case they were American firms that place no value in the work that Human Resources provide to a company. The HR job doesn't have a direct positive impact on the bottom line so they see no value in it for a comapny.

So I have just had my birthday and turned 60 now I face the reality that I am going to have to try and find another position to carry me through the next five years. The chances of that happening are very slim indeed. Companies do not want to hire a person of my age regardless of my abilities and experience. The immediate results are that I will now be working long hours to put together all of the information that the new firm will require on all of our people. Not just lists of simple payroll data but detailed reports on each person's responsibilities their skills and abuilities, training and background. I will have to put toether reports on all of our employee programs and benefits. They will sit and pick and choose what people and what program they want to eliminate and then have me do the dirty work for them. The final step will be for me to turn over only the mandatory responsibilities to others in the company who by the way won't know what to do with them and then I will be asked to leave. Great prospect for my future. Work my ass off and then leave.

When I get over being angry I will have to dredge up my last resume, clean it up and start to look for a new job.

Monday, October 16, 2006

I am Being Made to Feel that Having Ethics is a Business Hindrance

I have been absent from this page for another couple of weeks as my life got in the way of my writing. It has been another stressful time and the prospect for the future is more of the same.

Two weekends ago I went up to the trailer and closed up for the season. Buying this trailer added a positive dimension to my life which was and is in such a sorry state at the moment. I think I miss it already because at least I was getting away from this part of town and getting close or at least closer to nature when I was there.

The photo today is a little feathered friend who was busy looking for lunch while I was packing up some gear on the lawn in front of the trailer. I was no more than three feet away from him but all he seemed to do was check on me once in a while and kept on with his own chores. It seems that I am far better at communicating with the wild creatures than I am at opening up lines with the other members of my own species.

My work is getting more and more stressful and difficult resently as economic pressure is being forced on our business and then transferred from my boss, who also owns most of the business down to me. I am being directly to do things and treat peole in ways which I don't feel are either fair or just. My only alternative would be to give my notice and look for another position elsewhere but when one reaches 60 the chances of that being successful become less and less likely.

The ongoing positive side to my life is my son. He came and spent a couple of days with me over the last weekend. It was getting too cool to go out and loose golf balls so we opted to go and play and few games of bowling. Not exactly excitement to a fourteen year old but he was good about it and put up with his old man. We played three games each and as I saw his frustration mounting as I won each one I deceide we ought to leave while he was still talking to me. We decided that we also wanted to go and see a movie on Saturday night to help pass the time but we weren't able to find anything that interested us much so he rented the movie "Fletch" instead. It is a little light hearted comedy which was bearable to both of us. As I have said many times before I am very proud of my son. He is no scholar but he is good natured, caring, positive and well mannered. Everyone who meets him remarks to me afterward what great company he is and so nice to have him around etc.

I had better cut this short as I have an interview scheduled in a few minutes and have to get over to our other location. I will try to get back to a more regular routine of posting. I need to vent and would truely appreciate any feedback.

Thursday, October 05, 2006

Job Woes


The attached photo was taken a couple of weeks ago while I was in Ellicottville New York. They hold an antique car show on their streets and it offered a chance to inspect and photograph some finely restored or modified vehicles built during the last century. I love this old car it reminds me of gangster movies from years ago.

Well let me start by saying that I do honestly love my job but there are days when I would rather collect garbage or mop floors than have to perform some of my duties. The bottom line is I do really love to work with people and see them happy and successful.

The reality of the business world today is that we must respond to the economic pressure that push and pull our business. At times of growth it means to quickly find and hire the staff necessary to meet the demands for an increase in production capability but at other times the reverse becomes true and we must decease staff as production requirements fall. Unfortunately the later is the situation which I find myself in at the moment.

In the last few days I have had to encourage three different people to take the option of retirement when that really wasn’t their wish. A change in legislation here in Ontario will end mandatory retirement in just a couple of months, but for the moment that option still exists and the company wanted to pursuit this while we still had the opportunity. I am left to exercise their option and encourage these people to end their working career with us even though they are both willing and capable to continue working.

As I am aging I realize that many people will reach the age of 65 years and they will still wish to continue to work and be capable of doing all or most of their current duties. The legislated change, though it will be difficult for companies to manage is still fundamentally right. People do not automatically become a liability at a specific age and many will still have the skills, ability and experience to perform well. Agreed that some others may reach a stage in their life where they are not capable of contributing successfully and even earlier than the current retirement age of 65 but is should be left to their employers to address that situation as it occurs.

What prompted the change in the legislation is not a concern for the fair treatment of employees but rather a fear that as the baby boomers leave the workforce they will leave a void for which there will not be sufficient numbers of employable individuals to replace them and meet the demand for labour to keep the wheels of industry turning. Heaven forbid that the current key players within the industrial world should loose ground to the growing ability and industrial capacity from the current third world members.

So pushing people into retirement hasn’t set well with me and added to that I have had one termination for just cause and two resignations which we encouraged where the cause was questionable. I know that it is just part of the job but I don’t have to like it. By the way I have also been wakened at 2:00 a.m. for the last two nights as I mentally prepare for the lay ahead of me for the next day at work.

Okay that is enough of me venting for today. I am now only one day away from a long weekend and I really need to get away from here. I will try to touch base here tomorrow if not I wish you all a happy Thanksgiving weekend. Sorry to our American friends but here in Canada we celebrate Thanksgiving in October rather than your November date south of the border.

Tuesday, October 03, 2006

Pre-Birthday Weekend



The weekend went well and my son seemed to enjoy himself as we did a little early celebration for our birthdays. Our birthdays don’t really occur until this coming weekend but he won’t be with me then so we did our own celebration this weekend.

I picked him up on Friday night in the hope that the weather on Saturday would cooperate so that we could play a round of golf. Well Saturday was dark and threatening so decided not to take the chance and just go downtown on Saturday instead. I am most fortunate to have a teenager who will go along with almost anything I suggest. So after enjoying a wonderful bunch at one of our favorite places up here in Woodbridge we ventured down into the city. After a bit of wandering around we ended up at the Chicken Deli to hear some old Jazz. I enjoy a cross section of music including small doses of old jazz but to have a 14 year old actually enjoy it is something else. Well I did have to throw in chicken wings to keep him satisfied but the afternoon went well.

It was my intention to go down to the Argos game in the evening but when he heard that we didn’t have tickets yet he was afraid we end up in the bleachers somewhere as wasn’t all that enthusiastic. Instead we went back up north to the new Vaughan Mills shopping centre and decided to bowl a few games at the new Lucky Strike Lanes. Well it is a great place, I am sure. Having bowled for many years I am not used to being in a bowling facility so well appointed. The location is very up scale including a bar and dining room, the staff are very professional and it is all very trendy, but dam I only came to bowl. For my son and I to bowl 3 games each plus the cost of his shoes came to close to $50 and then we had drinks in addition to that. All very nice but I wouldn’t do that again.

Later on Saturday night we went to the Moose and Firkin and played some pool and he played some of the video games. This is my local, and there he and I are known to all of the staff and most of the regulars. So that was a pleasant close to the day.

Sunday morning I served up bacon and eggs etc. and we went off to play nine holes at Park Shore over in Brampton. It is billed as the longest nine hole course in Ontario. We have played there a few times before and know the course fairly well. It is usually in pretty good shape but on Sunday morning after rain on Saturday night and also quite a bit during the previous week the course was just sopping. We get our round in without getting rained on but the sky was threatening throughout the afternoon.

To brighten up his afternoon before I had to take him home I took him over to Brampton to Hooters. I mean isn’t that a rite of passage when a boy is just reaching puberty. I do enjoy watching him trying to casually get a look at all the girls. But hey we only go for the wings…Right! Being a good Dad I had to have one of the girls pose for a picture with him, just to watch him blush a bit.

All in all not too bad and now I am facing a week from hell. My Boss “Attila” is on a rampage and I am trying to get my work done and stay out of his line of fire. Thank God we have a long weekend on the horizon. Take care all and hug someone.